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xinalia


The Only Exception - Paramore
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"i don't know ther.. i know im a very blessed person (obviously).. but i realize that no matter how many blessings you have, if that one particular blessing you really want to have isn't yours, then the others are just like nothing.. and then there's my father who's always been the very first person to greet me sa akong birthday.. oh i miss him so much.. haaayy.. gosh i soooo want to cry! life is hard! or probably this is just the AGE talking.. hehe.."

Yes, I just quoted myself. I was emailing one of my closest and truest friends Therese.So, drumrolls please..I AM NOT HAPPY. I feel young, I think I look fab, but I am not happy.

Love sucks. If I had not fallen in love, I wouldn't be sad today. Yes, the person I love doesn't love me anymore and he doesn't even care. I don't think he even remembers my birthday. And it hurts, BIG TIME! How could one person ruin everything? Why am I forgetting all these great things in my life because he's treating me bad? I know it's my fault and I'm suppose to learn to be patient (it's suppose to be what I should learn from this situation, my friends told me) but how long will I suffer? How long 'til he loves me again?

My only wish, is for him to love me, like the way he used to.. But it's not happening.. Not today, Aug 10, 2012.. Maybe not ever.. Oh that'd be sad..

--(written straight from my desk at work)-- MY COLLEAGUES JUST SANG A BIRTHDAY SONG FOR ME! awww... thanks guys!

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Yes, I'm smiling that silly smile when one's in love.. what? I AM IN LOVE! but the person I love kind of doesn't love me back still (and it's my fault). Well, im not going to talk about it coz it'll just make me sad and I want to savor this kilig feeling for the rest of my day!

I would like to quote part of Alex' letter to Rosie:

"He is the luckiest man in the world to have you, Rosie, but he doesn’t deserve you and youdeserve far better. You deserve someone who loves you with every single beat of his heart, someone who thinks about you constantly, someone who spends every minute of every day just wondering what you’re doing, where you are, who you’re with, and if you’re OK. You need someone who can help you reach your dreams andwho can protect you from your fears. You need someone who will treat you with respect,love every part of you, especially your flaws. You should be with someone who can make you happy, really happy, dancing on air happy. Someone who should have taken the chance to be with you years ago instead of becoming scared and being too afraid to try."

It's natural for me to wish to have my own Alex Stewart, just like I wished I had my own Edward Cullen (NOT NECESSARILY A VAMPIRE). I guess what women want is a man who's going to be there for her no matter what and in whatever situation - happy or sad.. someone whom she can talk about everything (silly and serious things) with.. and someone who will feel her/for her.. In other words, all of the things Alex mentioned! No, actually i'm just speaking for myself! ha-ha! so between Edward and ALex, I'd opt for the latter - if it's not to much to ask but apparently it is.. i mean, given that im already turning 29 and still "single".. oh well..

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I am in so much pain right now.. not only because he hurt me but mostly because i hurt him.. indeed, it's more painful when you hurt the one you love..

I am hoping against hope that everything will be ok. And that his love for me is greater that the pain i've caused him - just like how my love's greater than my pride..

Yeah, this is me being a drama queen.

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Current Mood: lonely lonely

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stressed
lots of calls

no pantry

snacking on peanut butter and coffee

stressed

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I was asked to do a Fashion Blog on our online publication at the office and this is my first! I AM JUST SUPER HAPPY!



Hello everyone! I’m very excited about this fashion blog, to say the least! More than the monthly highlight, guys, THIS IS ONE OF MY DREAMS! I’ve been excited since Mira suggested that I do this! Thanks to the Publication Committee for this opportunity! Yahoo! This isn’t to give you guys fashion tips because I don’t consider myself an expert on the subject, I can’t tell you what to wear with what unless you ask me to. This would just be my Fashion thoughts, experiences, and practices. I hope that you’ll be inspired and most importantly, I hope that you’ll have fun reading my articles! ;)

So I guess everybody knows that I plan my daily wardrobe. When I was younger, I can plan for 3 months worth of outfits but now that I’m older, I can only do a 1-week plan. Blame it on my aged legs and my high heels! Dang! Now thoughts of what it’d be like when I’m 80 are creeping in my mind! Gosh! Ha-ha! Anyway, planning my outfit is like a party for me, complete with soundtrack. This is when I look at myself in the mirror a lot, which is eewy but important. 

Speaking of important stuff, when it comes to dressing-up, there’s only a few for me:

Know your body type and size. A person who wears something that’s some sizes smaller than her/his actual size looks constipated.  And I certainly don’t want to look like that and neither do you! Plus, you know when you go shopping and you end up trying on a lot of clothes just to end up looking good and fitting in just one of them? It’s time-consuming! And life is too short to be spent in fitting rooms!

Accept that not everything will suit you. I don’t have a model body and I’ve accepted that fact long time ago. That’s why up until now, I don’t own a maxi dress. I have yet to find one that’ll suit me. Will I ever?

Dress for yourself, not for anyone else. For me, it’s sad when women dress for men. I mean, I grow up with 3 brothers and of course my Papa (who’s the greatest and who didn’t, at all, tell me what to/not to wear) and I’ve asked them a lot of times if I look good in a wardrobe and they just shrugged and said “ok ra man” so I’ve concluded that those people who truly love me don’t care about what I wear. I think that if a man loves me he should see me, not my clothes. And so with that, the only person I’m trying to please when I dress is I, no one else. I do this for me, it makes me feel good! Besides, there’s no point in pleasing other people. It’s a waste of time.

Expensive brands are good but so are the cheap ones. As long as I look good in it and it’s well-made, I go for it! My stuff is a mixture of designer, high street (i love Topshop!), sale rack, and of course, ukay2!

Borrow. From time to time, I borrow clothes from my siblings and parents. I have blouses and bags from my mama and ate, and I super love my Papa and brothers’ shirts and shorts! In fact, the shirts I wore in 2 of my Editor’s Picks outfits in my WIWT site are Kab’s and Macmac’s, the bag’s my Papa’s.

For me, anything goes with Fashion. It’s all about having fun! And in this world full of murderers and bad customer service, I think a little fun won’t hurt. Don’t you think so? Until next time! ;)

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So, I talked to my mother today, just like always. We used to talk about happenings in my hometown and my life being their "gastador" and "laagan" daughter but since my Father's murder, I try to get her to talk about it and how she feels. She always tells me that my Father is funny, it's hard not to miss him. But that's just it, she never elaborated, until earlier.

It took her months before she's able to sleep in their room. Actually, until now, she still doesn't sleep there everyday. She said it's the hardest she'll have to go through.They have been together for 38 years and were never apart, they literally spent almost every second of their lives together.  They worked together (family business), ate most (if not all) of their meals together, and slept beside each other. And then just in a snap, the love of her life was taken away from her. She said it's beyond pain and until now, she's still can't let go of her fury. She's mad at the people who did this. She's mad at life. And then she asked me, "kanus-a pa kaha ko ani malipay nang no?"

And then tears just fell from my eyes. I cried not only because she's my mother and she's in pain, but most especially because she's a woman who misses the love of her life, the first and the last person she talks to everyday for years. It must be very hard for her, and we, her children, can't do anything about it.




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Current Mood: infuriated infuriated

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I learn this the hard way! years ago i loved someone and although i've felt signs that we're not meant to be, i forced it and kept on loving him.. God probably had tried everything to let me know not to - i mean, i often dream of myself being hurt by this guy and I'd cry a lot when i woke up because of pity for myself. it's like watching myself in a movie! But I didn't listen. And I wasted all my time! I just realize now because he just got married and I am in love with someone. And with this guy right now, it's like God's just giving everything to me. It's crazy! I am so happy right now..




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Current Mood: happy happy

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Two hours ago I said "yes" to a guy I honestly don't know at all. I mean, I know his name and where he's from and his family (or his sister at least), but I don't know him know him, you know? Well, he's my crush before and apparently I was also his but we were so young then. The fact is, I haven't even seen him for the past 10+ years! as in! i mean, i know that this is probably the craziest decision i'll ever make in my whole life but it's fun and well, yeah, that's about it.. IT'S JUST FUN. but im excited.. who knows? I never thought id take this much risk for my 8th relationship.. and right now im vulnerable (after the murder of my Father).. i mean, i don't think at all and i guess that's why it's fun because i didn't have to think. I just said "yes" and that's it! no, actually, I said "let's do this!" hahaha! it's crazy! THIS IS SUPER CRAZY!

btw, the former love-of-my-life just got married last weekend.. im happy for him..

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Current Mood: crazy crazy

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last night I and my friends Dok, Ting and her bf Don, went to try skywalking and the edge coaster at Crown Regency Hotel! Dok actually cried, she had raccoon eyes because of her not-waterproof mascara! hahaha! she's going to leave for Dubai tonight and im really going to miss her!
anyway, it was super fun! im not afraid of heights and i love adventure so i had the best time! here's our pic!

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